When I was in my mother’s womb, the doctors advised abortion. The pregnancy was a danger to her and they were sure she would lose me anyway.
In 2007 I was in a car accident that almost took my life. I remember laying on the concrete, boxed in by the car, thinking “if I just let go and fall into the sleep that’s tugging at me, I won’t wake up.” I knew it. I knew I could go to sleep and not wake up. God didn’t let me let go. Spent 2 weeks in a hospital with numerous surgeries, terrifying moments, and times of uncertainty.
In 2009 Justin and I realized we were pregnant. Motherhood was at the top of my list of dreams. To say I was excited about this baby is an understatement. We lost that baby. Even though I prayed. Even though I trusted. Even though it was one of the deepest desires of my heart. I was more lost than I’d ever felt. How do you worship when all you feel is sadness? How do you pray when you feel it goes unanswered?
During these times in my life, I myself could not pray. Did not pray. I was weak in my spirit and praying felt fake.
BUT the prayers of others prevailed.
The Kingdom of God surrounded me even when I didn’t “feel like it.” They lifted me up to Him. They prayed for my heart, comfort, and healing.
PRAYER kept me going, even when I wasn’t the one uttering the words.
As time passes after trauma, the fog lifts, and things become clear. I can now say that I am THANKFUL for these times in my life. Without them, God’s power couldn’t have been as clear to me. His protection. His grace. His overwhelming PEACE that doesn’t make any sense.
We cannot presume to know exactly why God answers prayer the way He does, but we can know without a doubt that He hears us. He never leaves us. And if you’re still here, YOU have a purpose to be fulfilled in Him.
Satan tried to defeat me by taking my life and crushing my spirit.
But GOD is GOOD and I am here to tell you that, because of PRAYER.